The Truth about fake boobs

What got me through chemo and the double mastectomy was that I was going to get bigger boobs.  I would joke about getting stripper boobs and my insurance was going to pay for them.  Well the truth is they are cold all the time.  I mean break out the heating pad cold! And one would think that since chemo has put one into menopause that the hot flashes would heat up the cold boobs. Well no such luck.  I am not sure but I think that is because all my breast tissue is gone that that is why they don’t warm up. But my chest muscle is over top of them.  Who knows?  I just know that when it starts to get cold out side a heated bra would be a great invention. Something else no one talks about is nipples.  For a lot of women when you have a mastectomy they take your nipple or nipples if you have a double.  When you have reconstructive surgery they make new ones.  The ones I saw pictures of from plastic surgeons looked like when you tie a balloon after blowing it up. Now that’s attractive. And then after that the color is gone, so they tattoo the color on. Yeah that looks natural.  Yes that is all sarcasm!  I would look at these pictures and my dream of stripper boobs was a bust! ( no pun intended, but I do hope you are laughing cuz I sure was.) As it turned out I would get to keep my nipples. Some breast surgeons do what is called a nipple sparing mastectomy.  So I am thinking this is going to be great, back to dreams of stripper boobs.  Well again what no one tells you is your nipples don’t work.  Your thinking….What do you mean they don’t work?  Well they look like you are cold all the time and it’s not because your implants are always cold. They just plain old stay erect all the time. They look naturally cold all the time. ( It dose come in handy when your husband thinks you are getting turned on by him but you are really thinking of the laundry you have waiting for you.)  They also have no feeling. Well they kind of do. You know when you sit on your foot for a long time and yourfoot goes to sleep and it hurts a bit to touch it? Yup that’s the feeling.  So for my friends the next time you see me you will naturally be looking at my boobs to see if my nipples are poking out of my top.  They won’t be. I found the greatest product. They are silicone discs that stick to your boobs and make those pointy nipples look flat!  Some days I don’t even wear a bra because these girls stand up all on their own!  I hope this is helpful for anyone going through breast cancer.  

Just a note:  Both my surgical Onoclogist and my Plastic surgeon were women.  I think that makes a difference when you want to look as normal as possible.  But also remember if you don’t look as good as you would like. The key is to be cancer free!